A year ago, my Dad passed away. This post isn’t about feeling sad or missing him, because I do still feel sad and I miss him everyday. I needed to put my thoughts down, because I’ve learned a lot about handling loss and myself in the last year and I felt the need to share it. I know many friends who have lost a parent or loved one in the last year. Many of them, the same way we lost Dad, suddenly, without warning. I hope that by sharing what I’ve learned in the last year, my lessons could help others too.

It’s okay not to be ok. 

When a loved one passes away or you’re going through a difficult time, everyone wants to ask if you’re okay. We often found this to be a silly question, but appreciated that we were being thought of my our friends and family. It’s easy to say, “I’m well.” or “I’m good.”, but in the last year I learned that it was okay to say, “Ya know, I’m not ok.” Because there were some days, and will be many more, where I wasn’t okay. Maybe I missed him more than usual or maybe something triggered a memory and so for that day, I wanted to be sad and wish he was here. If you’re not ok, it’s okay to say that and feel that way. For me, I found it felt better to just say, “I’m ok.” Those were the days I got the biggest hug, the best advice or a fun story about Dad.

Grief is not a period of time.

Often we think of grief as a stage that we go through. First, denial, then anger, sadness and grief. Then once you make it through you feel better – right? Not exactly. Grief is more like a tattoo or scar you receive. At first, it hurts and you can feel it everyday, but then that pain fades, slowly. Very slowly. Some days you may brush up against it and it hurts again and other days you see it and smile thinking of them. It’s something you learn to live with and becomes part of you.

“Always right there“.

I think what’s been the hardest this last year and will continue to be, is wishing Dad could be here for the everyday success and frustration and being here for the big events. New babies, puppies and homes. I’ve learned in the last year that he’s absolutely still around. When Mitch and I got Briar in May, like any new pet owner, we struggled to get him house trained. I would cry when I got home thinking we were doing something wrong. I remember taking Briar out before bed at night and walk him around our block. I would talk to Dad. I remember thinking, if Dad where here, he’d tell me, “Kid, relax. You’re not gonna fuck up the dog. Keep doing what you’re doing.” I remember smiling hearing his voice in my head, taking a deep breath and going back inside with the pup. Dad may physically be gone, but he’s here. He’s a part of me everyday and I know he’s still here for the everyday and for the big stuff.

Dad used to tell me when I’d get anxious, “Be good to yourself.” I still tell myself that when I get stressed or feel like I need to get everything done. Dad always had a list and there was always a project. I wish he had more time to just enjoy and not be rushing to cross something off the list. That’s what I wish for everyone: enjoy, appreciate and be good to yourself.

Let’s stop and think for a minute; what have you purchased today? Maybe a train or bus pass for your transportation. Maybe you met a friend for lunch at your favorite restaurant. Did you get groceries today or buy a family member a gift? Picture what you bought; what decisions went into deciding to purchase those items?

Americans consume a lot. Our purchasing habits make us the largest consumers in the world of resources and we’re less than 5% of the global population. The truth is most of the “stuff” we buy- we either throw out, stop using, or replace within 6 months of purchasing it. What kind of product life span is that? Think about what you bought today and ask yourself if you’ll use it or still have it 6 months from now.

Where did you decide to spend your money today? Was it the most convenient store? Do they have the best prices? Do they make the highest quality material? Something consumers may not realize is that we hold the most power when it comes to change in this country, and it is all based on the questions I just mentioned.

We decide who stays in business and who needs to change their ways. We decide what types of stores and businesses we want in our community. Simply by selecting where you spend your time and money, you are voting to keep them in business or encourage them to change their ways. After all you can’t market or put a product into production unless it is something consumers actually want.

Considering that we can choose which products to support, how should we choose what products to buy? I recently read a Canadian study about sustainable marketing. Their research found that before deciding whether or not to buy a product, consumers first decide their need for the product. If they’re not convinced they might read the label or ask a friend about the product; gain more information before buying and then make their choice. This might happen over a short or long period of time but we all go through these thoughts before buying something. Now when factoring in sustainable choices or choices that not only fill your need but also satisfy the need of the environment and the people who created and sell the product, what will give consumers reason to be unhappy buying unsustainable products.

If you don’t agree with how a store treats their employees or where they get their produce- explore a new place to shop. If you don’t like the fact that local businesses are having harder times surviving because they can’t stand up to corporations, then buy local and put your money back into your community. Spend your money in what you actually believe in and what you actually want to do well.

Just think of the power you have. Everything you bought today, you voted for that establishment over their competitors. Do your purchases reflect your values? Are the products that you bought made with quality materials that you want to support? This may seem like an intense way to think about shopping but you might find you’re happier with your purchases if your spending mirrors your values. Use your newfound power wisely, remember, your dollar, your vote.

Let’s think warm thoughts. Let’s think childhood summers, when we ran around barefoot, caught fireflies, went swimming and maybe tried camping out—maybe some of us still do these things. Maybe we didn’t realize it as children but all these activities depend on a healthy environment. You don’t have to love hiking or rafting or learning about types of trees to love the environment. You could simply like to take a walk during your lunch break or enjoy birds on your walk home from the train.

Recently words like ‘sustainability,’ ‘climate change,’ ‘global warming’ and ‘greenhouse gas emissions’ are thrown around so often that I wonder, for instance, how many know that climate and weather are not interchangeable. The reason we refer to ‘climate change’ as climate change is because patterns in weather changed over a long period of time, about 50 years. For instance, the summer of 2012 in Wisconsin was ridiculously hot with very little rain—great summer to be biking to a gardening internship. This was an odd weather pattern. This past summer was unusually cold, again odd weather. When these patterns become more common they can be used to help explain the climate of a region.

These strange patterns are linked to ‘global warming’ due to an abundance of ‘greenhouse gas emissions.’ Global warming does not mean that everywhere in the world is going to heat up, in some places it might even get colder. Among other contributors, global warming is the result of people adding too much carbon dioxide (CO2) to the atmosphere. Yes, global warming is not a natural phenomenon, but caused by the habits and actions of people. This addition of carbon dioxide results in more heat trapped between the surface of the Earth and the atmosphere (I apologize for getting technical here, please post if something is unclear).

‘Greenhouse gas emissions’ are the result of the burning of such gases as carbon dioxide, (the most widely used and concentrated gas), methane and nitrogen. The emissions from our cars, power plants, buildings, livestock, etc create this ‘greenhouse’ effect. The trapping of these gases, like I mentioned before, heats up the earth like an unnatural greenhouse. When the gases are trapped, along the heat from the sun, it warms the earth, melts the ice, messes with climates and creates the issues that change the way we have to live.

In other words, individually we have to cut our own carbon emissions in order to live more ‘sustainably.’ This doesn’t mean you have to give up your car forever or only eat foods that come from within 25 miles of your home year round; this is unreasonable. If we’re ever going to make a difference we have to start smaller. Even if all meat eaters ate beef only once a week that would be a huge improvement. Likewise, if everyone with cars used them fives times a week that would reduce about 1,600 pounds of carbon emissions per week per person according to the EPA.

The point is that you don’t have to change your life completely in order to reduce how much you contribute to global warming. For instance, I always use reusable bags when I go to the grocery store and I never buy coffee or tea unless I have my reusable mug with me (by the way, both of those make great gifts). These are easy ways to cut down on pointless trash. The good news is that these are easy changes we can make in our everyday lives. Making simple changes will bring more fireflies and simple summer nights for future generations.